For all of my self-respecting ladies, I’m sure you’ve had the one “love of your life” who left you because you wouldn’t give up your virginity. Well I have too, as mentioned in a previous post (http://wp.me/p8kNRG-o ) . But there is much more to the story than where I ended things, and I think that if I’m going to tell a story, I should tell the entire thing. So here we go…
When George sent that heartless text message, it left me shattered. But the heartache didn’t end there. I saw George at school the next day. We weren’t in the same grade so we didn’t have any classes together, but I always saw him at breakfast, lunch, and in the halls because we’d plan it out that way. But this day, I saw him more than ever even though I was trying to avoid him like the plague.
The first time I saw him, I tried not to let him see me so I speed walked to the nearest bathroom. It didn’t work, as I was walking I to the restroom I heard him yell out my name, “Taylor can we please talk?” I pretended I didn’t hear him and continued on my way. I was too hurt, I couldn’t bear to look at him without getting upset, so I knew that I wouldn’t be able to talk to him without breaking down and flooding the school with my tears.
Throughout the day we saw each other more times than I can count, and each time he would give me a little half smile and a wave, but I never acknowledged him. I somehow managed to go the entire day without talking to him, and I continued to ignore his text messages “apologizing” for hurting me.
By the next week, I learned that he was now dating the same girl who was supposedly just his “best friend” while we were together, Kayla. This was the same girl who would always tell me how great she thought George and I were together, and swore that she had no deeper interest in him at a time that I started hearing rumors that she did. Looking back now, I know that I shouldn’t have been shocked or hurt at all, but I was only 15 and thought I could trust what people told me.
How could he have moved on so soon if he really loved me? Why Kayla of all people? Was she giving him the one thing I didn’t? There was a point where I even blamed myself for “losing” him. Why didn’t I just have sex with him? I loved him, right? So what stopped me? Everyone else in my grade was sexually active, so why was it such a big deal to me?
Now let me pause the story for a minute to throw this out there. To all young girls who may be reading this, CHERISH YOUR BODIES! Do NOT do anything that you are not 10000% certain that you’re ready to do. If you have to take a minute to think about it, you’re not ready. If you find yourself second guessing the decision, you’re not ready. If you are not prepared to deal with the possible results of that decision, YOU ARE NOT READY! Please please please do not let a lustful man make you question your worth and please do not allow yourself to confuse lust with love. If you can not yet differentiate the two, again, you are not ready.
Now back to the story. I confronted George about the rumors of him being with Kayla, and after trying to deny it for a while, he admitted that it was true. He told me that he was only with her because she kept asking and he didn’t want to reject her and lose his best friend. This was my first time speaking to him since he broke up with me in that text message, so my emotions got the best of me and I ended up cursing him out. I’m so glad I did, because that was exactly what I needed to close that open wound. After that, I was able to leave my hurt in the past and move on with my life. For years George tried to get me back, telling me how much he missed what we had and how he messed up. But I was done, there was no second chance after hurting me the way he did.